Soul Searching

I was listening to my recording on the Forgotten Laws of the Universe the other day and Bob Proctor and Mary Morrissey were talking about orderly minds and discipline.  They mentioned how you can tell a lot about the state of a person's mind my their homes and cars.  Actually about the state of organization and cleanliness of their homes and cars.  I had a moment of extreme panic as I thought of my home and to a certain extent to my car.  Wow I must be beyond help, I still have boxes that need to be unpacked from our move 3 months ago.  The laundry needs folded, I'm scared to move the furniture as I'm sure there are colonies of Dust Bunnies hiding in the darkened corners.  So shaken by these thoughts I planned to spend my next two days off cleaning and organizing both my life and my home.  I did up a list of what was important to me and put in time slots to when it needed to be done. My day's were going to look like this:

3:30 AM up to make breakfast and lunches for my Love and the boys.
4:30 AM write my morning pages, meditate, send healing to anyone on my Reiki lists.
5:30 AM work out with my daughter while also doing laundry
6:00 AM eat breakfast, make my green smoothie for the road, and my lunch for the day.  Make sure supper preparations are out or in the Crockpot.
7:15 AM go to work
12:00 noon have Lunch, run errands, buy groceries ect.
1:00 PM back to work
5:00 PM anything else needed in town then head home.
6:00 PM home, start supper, clean around the house, any outside chores that need done
6:30 PM supper
7:00 PM feed animals
7:30 PM read, visit with my family help with homework.
8:00 PM go to bed

Well look at all I can accomplish in a day, I thought.  Of course there is no time to spend on facebook interacting with my friends, doing readings, creating posters, enjoying other peoples posts on facebook, writing my blog, or any of the other things I enjoy during the day.  Oh right those can all be done on my days off.  I'm sure I can fit them in around riding, camping, spending time with my kids, sleep (can't forget sleep), oh yay I'm supposed to finish unpacking, evict the Dust Bunnies, mop the floors, prep for winter, and organize my cupboards.

Well obviously this is a fantasy land, I'm well aware if my limitations so there is no way this wonderful plan I have created is ever going to happen.  Dejection hangs over me like a black rainy cloud in a cartoon.  My ambition to create something better fizzles away like the tiny ember left in a fire pit under a bucket of water.  I sleep for a good chunk of my first day off, the dreaded Migraine sleep of those that would like to be dead.  Once that has wore off, I take a realistic look at my life.  I'm HAPPY, my car needs cleaned but its up-to-date on its oil change and tire rotations.  I find Joy in spending hours puttering on my computer, creating things to share with the world and reading what others like me have created.  I KNOW my CHILDREN, we hang out doing aimless activities that we both like.  My house needs work but the laundry is clean if not folded and the floors get swept if not mopped.

I sacrifice my work out so I can spend time with the man I love, I sacrifice organizing the pantry so I can cook a wholesome meal, I sacrifice organization so I can give myself love and have more time for those around me.  Does this mean I may never be a successful person, NO it means I am a successful person. Namaste